This Is My Truth!!!!!!!!!!

I am who I am, and I won’t apologize for it.

I know that I am BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE, but if I can be honest for a minute sometimes I feel empty, sad and alone. Right now I care about a person that I have to mentally let go. For the life of me I can not seem to get my mind to forget him but am I supposed to forget him or realize his purpose in my life. Often times we are told that some people are in your life for a season and a reason. What we are not told is how to get your heart to accept when that person season and reason are fulfilled. I am struggling because he was not a bad person at all. Often times he made me laugh, smile, think, and dream.  For a second I allowed myself to dream of a future with him but just like that he’s gone. What hurts is that he’s so close yet so far away. I know the best thing is to let go, but I just need help in that department. I tell myself it would be much easier to move on if he was a complete jerk but instead he was a classic gentleman.

Here’s what I know:

-My Pain Has Purpose

-God’s Word is True

-All things will work for my good

-God has someone just for me

– NO ONE CAN TAKE MY BLESSINGS

But when I am honest with myself sometimes those truths are hard to believe . A wise man once told me to separate fact from feelings. The fact is him and I are not together, but I feel that we should be.

He’s a great person, but I have to get to a space where I can accept that as great of a person I think he is God has someone even better just for me.

Lesson to Learned: Never apologize for having a heart. During times of weakness we often blame ourselves or think we’re foolish for feeling. I truly am happy that I am capable of loving.

If you are struggling and at war with your heart find someone you can trust and tell them you need help. It is not easy, but in order to heal you have to let go and move forward. A important thing to remember is that God is Love and your pain has purpose. During your dark hours trust God and he’ll see you through. I know that this too shall pass, and one day it will all make sense to me why it didn’t work with Mr. Classic Gentlemen.

Until next time…… God is Love……… Love, Peace, and Hair Grease….

 

The Words You Can’t Say…..

My truth, I miss you more each day. I don’t know what to say or what to do but how do I stop this feeling? In a space where I just want…… How do I go back to the time where I didn’t feel my feelings. The hardest thing to do is mourn the loss of a person who is still alive. Feels like I’m dreaming and I just want this nightmare to be over 😔. Torn between trying to get my heart to stop caring and  knowing that what’s for me is for me and it’ll all work out for my good. My prayer is that it’ll all make sense soon because right now I’m confused and I feel lost. Not sure how to express how I got to this point.  #FixItJesus #GodIsAble #HelpMyUnbelief #ICare

Do You Love You ❤️?

Pssssssst, hey you in the mirror, I love you. When was the last time you told yourself that you loved you? How often do you say those words to yourself. We tell our loved ones that we love them on a regular basis or at least we show it, but if you are honest with yourself when was the last time you said self I love you? Well repeat after me: Self, I love you!!! How does that feel? Weird, good, amazing or normal? Well for me it is both weird and good at the same time.

My truth I do not tell myself I love you enough, but why is that? Saying the words I love you and showing it is two completely different things. When being honest with myself I know the reason I do not say I love you enough is because I am not used to putting me first. I am 25 and I can probably count on my hands how many times i’ve said it let alone showed or believed it.  But God… Over the pass year I had the pleasure to get to know myself and actually fall in love with me. A wise man challenged me to date myself so I know what I like/love about me and what I am asking someone else to like and love about me. To you sir I thank you for always challenging me to get step out of my comfort zone. I learned my strengths, weaknesses and areas I needed to work on before getting into a relationship. I must say flaws and all I love the woman I am.

Today reminded me of what matters to me the most and what my love language are. So we are playing secret santa at work but we do it a little different. For two weeks you place little cute clues, notes, or gifts on the person desk and at the Christmas party we will reveal who we had. The first week I did not get a clue, a note or a gift and I must say that really hurt. Now we are in week two and Monday I did not get anything but Tuesday I received a cute note and a gift card. Today I received a plain note and a gift card but I was not excited at all, why not? The reason I was not excited was because I am not a person that gets excited about money. The idea behind our secret santa is to make your person laugh, smile or feel good as they read silly notes and open cute little gifts whether it is a mug or a piece of chocolate. Not to sound ungrateful, but the last thing I wanted was another gift card because it felt impersonal. It is the little things that bring me great joy, I love when people show they thought about the gift or studied me long enough to know what I would like.

Lesson Learned: In order to love yourself or anyone else you must first understand your/their love language. My love languages are acts of service and quality time with a hint of words of affirmation and physical touch. Knowing my love languages has allowed me to love me in a better way.  LEt’s start telling ourselves that we love ourselves more often.

Join me in the Self, I Love You Challenge: Starting December 15,2016 to December 25, 2016 each day write down one thing you love about yourself and also write down one blessing. Then on Christmas that can be one of your gifts to yourself. Please keep the notes and whenever you feel sad or unlovable open your love/blessing box and read what you wrote about yourself.

Until next time….Chin up and remember to tell yourself that you love you more often…… God is Love…… Love, Peace and Hair Grease……

When Prayer Is Enough…

Often times we feel like we have to do something, or maybe that’s just me. Somethings require us to do something and somethings require us to do nothing. Which is easier? I find it easier to do something. As I get older and grow closer to God I realize sometimes the best thing in life is to do nothing and trust God with everything.

I am currently in a position where I know my best action is no action at all. Here’s what I know: I am Human, my strength is not enough, I miss him, and I need God. The moments I miss him the most are the moments I fall to my knees in prayer and run to my Father. I may not know the outcome of this situation but I know the Author of my life.

As I go through this situation my plan is to also grow through it. As a Christian I have to remind myself that prayer is enough….. PRAYER IS ENOUGH………

Lesson Learned: if I let go of a thing and give it to God then Prayer is Enough. I won’t have to guide God in the way he should go but instead he’ll show me the way. I am thankful for the avenue of prayer. The closer I get to God the more evident it is to me how amazing he is in my life, and what I love the most are the opportunities to go to him in Prayer.

My prayer for whoever is reading this and may be going through something I urge you to trust God and take it to him in Prayer. Prayer is Enough and God is Able.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he care for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7

Until next time……. God is Love…….. Love, Peace, and Hair Grease….

Searching For Love Within…..

What is love? A wise man told me that love is  first a decision. Often times you hear people say you can’t help who you love, but in reality if love is a decision then you initially decide who to love. Love is also a feeling and something we all long for. Here’s my truth, I chose love again and I am scared.

As a Christian I have to remember God did not give us the spirit of fear. So why am I afraid. I’m learning that sometimes we use fear as an excuse to not be great.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” ~Marianne Williamson

On this journey to be a better woman I have learned so much about myself. I’ve had the opportunity to fall in love with me again and i’ve had the opportunity to share my light with those around me.

Where am I now? I’m back regaining my footing. I chose love again and truthfully I am confused. I may not know what the future holds but I know who holds my future. I am perfectly imperfect and I am ok with that.

This time it feels different. What do you do when you care for someone more than you initially realized and now you are at a point when you have to walk away because the person you can about is dealing with struggles unknown to you or that’s bigger than you. The hardest thing to do is walk away from the person you want to build with and you can see yourself growing old with. Everything in me screams call, text or go to him, but when I take a step back I realize no matter how much it hurts I have to walk away and trust that what God has for me is for me. No one and I mean no one can take away what go has for you or me. I am back in the trust and obey season. My heart says Rae you can not give up on him but then I challenge myself to really go there: how did you give up? What does God say? Who is your trust in?

Can I be honest for a minute. Well this is my blog so I think I can. I had this great text pre-written in my notepad on my phone and I said to myself I am going to send it to him this Sunday just so he knows he’s not alone.

This is what the text said:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

My prayer for you is that you remember you are the son of the most high, this too shall pass, and it’ll all work out for your good because he’s intentional never-failing. 🙏🏾😘

Love, Peace and Hair Grease

~Reachel Rene

#GodIsAble #JesusForTheWin

However, I can not send that text as much as I want too. As I reread that text I realized Rae those are the exact words you needed to hear in this moment. My love this too shall pass, and it’ll all work our for your good. Here’s what I know what’s for me is for me, so if that man is for me then great he’ll make his way back to me, but I won’t hold my breath. He is pretty awesome and I won’t deny that, but hey I am pretty awesome as well. I am at a point where I have to be ok with the possibility that him and I are over. I think the hardest part of letting go is how different he is and how special I felt with him. I’ve only known you six months but I appreciate the times we shared.

Lesson Learned: God is Love and what is for me is for me. He’s not a bad person at all. He’s human and his struggle is something he has to deal with and I know God will see him Through.

Love is a beautiful thing and I am searching for it within. I may not understand why I feel the way I feel but I know God knows and it’ll all work out. Truthfully, I secretly pray that whatever he is struggling with that God sees him through and he comes back to me an even better man. But I know I have to be careful with that pray because I don’t want to limit God will for my life. So as I look in the mirror I say your will not mine.

Until next time…… God is Love…… Love, Peace, and Hair Grease……

He’s The Kind of Father You Need

Fathers are just as important in a child’s life as their mother. My biological father or stepfather may not be perfect, but they did the best they could.

Over the years i’ve struggled with feeling important or special in the eyes of either of my fathers. They may not even know to the extent that I yearned for their approval.

Father’s Day felt different this year, and maybe it’s because I realized I have the Father that I need.

As I was sitting in church on Father’s Day it hit me that this whole time I had the father I needed. As the song leader began singing Thank You, Lord I mentally fell to my knees crying. I’ve heard the song a million times and sung it a million times, but that day I felt the words. The words you saved my soul hit home for me, and in that moment I realized how blessed I was and in that same moment I realized I wasn’t the daughter I needed to be.

I yearned for my earthly father’s approval, love and affection, but what about yearning for my heavenly father’s love and affection. While God was loving me I didn’t reciprocate that love back like I thought I did. Granted I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday faithfully, but what about my relationship with him. As I was singing the song I had flashbacks to the many times I put other men before God whether it was my fathers or the man I was in love with. What hurt the most was as I was singing the song I realized I gave my all to people who didn’t value it, and the one that was always there for me I didn’t honor.

Father’s Day was a rough day for me. After church I watched everyone leave with their father’s and I went home and cried alone. I was hurting because I expected imperfect people to feel a void that only God could fill and I didn’t trust him to fill it.

Lesson to Learn: Trust God always. I learned even when everything doesn’t seem like it will be ok trust God because he’s preparing you for the very thing you prayed for. I needed that song and I needed to cry because it helped me face the fact that I wasn’t where I wanted to be and I’m not the woman I wanted to be. The best part about it is that I know if I put my trust in God I’ll be exactly where I need to be and who God has called me to be.

My prayer is that my journey will inspire me and inspire you to keeping pushing forward and continue in your journey. I pray that you and I both will allow God to be our comforter. Let’s hold each other accountable and let’s keep each other in prayer because the devil is busy and his goal is to make us feel like God doesn’t love us. The devil is a liar and God is love.

Father I thank you for being the father I needed, and I pray that you will continue to mold me into the woman you have called me to be. Father use me for your kingdom, and I pray I may bring glory to your name. Help me to love like you love father. Lastly, father I thank you for my journey and most importantly my growth. It is in your son holy and precious name I pray, Amen.

Until next time beautiful people….. Love, Peace and Hair Grease….. God is Love… Be Blessed….

Psst… I’m Falling In Love Again

I’ve been on a journey to find myself and this journey has taught me a lot about myself. The beautiful thing about this journey is that it allowed me to fall in love again.

Who am I in love with you ask? Well truth be told I am falling in love with myself all over again and I have to be honest it’s a great feeling.

Today I stepped out of my comfort zone and surprised not only myself but those closests to me. I chopped off all my permed hair and stepped boldly into my natural hair journey.

It may not seem like much to you but I assure you it’s a big deal. For years I’ve considered how others may react or feel when it came to my imagine. It was like I was so worried about whether or not my family or friends would love my hair or my clothes or pretty much everything. Being accepted by my family and friends was important to me and that’s not a bad thing, but this journey has taught me the opinions of others can’t be the reason I don’t do what I want to do for me.

I’ve never worn my natural hair in public EVER!!! I’ve had short cuts before but i’ve always added weave to it. Growing up I didn’t like my hair to me it was too thin and to light for my dark skin in my opinion of course. I couldn’t wait until my mom would let me dye my sandy brown hair. I’ve only been natural or transitioning for a year now and this journey has given me so much confidence in myself and it’s mind blowing. I now love my hair and I appreciate its natural state and color.

Can I be honest for a second? Last night I was terrified yet again about my decision to cut my hair and wear it out. A part of me was like live for you Rae and do what makes you happy and the other part of me was like what if no one likes it or you hate it. Then I stopped myself and gave myself permission to be nervous about the process but then I said to myself that no matter what I will rock this short cut and it doesn’t matter if no one else like it because I did it for me not anyone else. That boldness and confidence made me love the woman I am becoming. The old Rae would’ve convinced herself to not do it and just put some more weave in my head, but this new Rae isn’t allowing herself to for a second to not live in her truth and do what makes her happy.

God has truly blessed me with confidence in me. I’m starting to see how special he created me and that to me is simply amazing. This journey is what I needed all along. God is up to something and I know I’m going to love it :-). All I had to do is get out of his way and let him lead me in the way I should go. Although this journey isn’t easy and it requires me to trust God more and step out of my comfort zone it’s also the happiest I’ve been in awhile and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

To whoever is reading this my prayer is that my journey will inspire me to be better as well as inspire you to begin or continue on your journey because you’re special. Besides with God on our side who can be against us?

Lesson Learned: Believe in you and be Bold. Thank yourself later 🙂

Until next time beautiful people….. Love, Peace and Hair Grease…… God is Love…. Be BLESSED…..

God’s Promises

I’m only human. At times my emotions get the best of me and I forget God’s Promises.

Over a week ago I was at war with my emotions and let’s just say they won that battle.

Let me tell you all about the battle….

It all started when I began overthinking my life and my current situation. I was elated for all the beautiful moms and moms to be, but my emotions slowly began to choke the life out of me. Here I am surrounded by beautiful, amazing and just overall awesome women that are great mothers, but here I am starting to feel that void in my heart that longs to join this elite group. On this day being told Happy Mother’s Day usually doesn’t bother me but this time each time I had to say I’m not a mom yet felt like a blow to my heart. Granted I am motherly towards my nieces, nephews and any other child in my presence but this day it just wasn’t enough. The more I thought about what this day represented the more I felt like a failure. I felt as though even with my degree and career I accomplished nothing. Fighting back the tears and disappointment each time I had to say I wasn’t a mom or having to explain why I wasn’t a mom yet or being asked do I desire kids was just too overwhelming. I began analyzing each exit and plotting my escape so I could just runaway and cry because the thing I wanted most I had to accept I didn’t have it.

So how do I deal with this? Should I talk to someone about it? Or do I just go back into my shell and hide until I become numb and it no longer hurts?

That day felt like it would never end. Although I was happy for each and every mother I know and I even honored them with gifts and love I couldn’t help but feel empty. Motherhood is an amazing thing, and I wholeheartedly salute each and every mother in this world because I know it isn’t easy.

I gave myself that day to feel how I felt and to feel my feelings. The next day however I asked myself you want to be better or bitter? I had a real conversation with myself. It went a lil something like this: Rae I know your heart desires a family but are you ready for one? Are you in the position emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually to be the amazing mother and wife you desire to be? I took a step back and got up for that awesome pity party I was throwing myself and I realized I still had work to do in my life, and God is preparing me for the desires of my heart. This isn’t a punishment and Singleness isn’t a disease. I asked myself if God gave me what I wanted right now could I handle it? Am I really emotionally ready or is loneliness starting to wear me down?

Lesson Learned: Life isn’t easy but don’t help the devil make your life miserable. You are what you think. I challenged myself during that time to find something good about me. I realized that I allowed the devil to silence God’s truth with his lies. I started to believe I was a failure. After all I am human, but what helped me to stand was while I was on the floor (that’s where the devil’s lies left me) I began to get back to what I know and that’s God’s word. The more I read his word the strong I became, and I stood right behind my dad (God) and said nana nana boo boo my dad is better than you to the devil. I’m learning that even during my storms I have to lean on God’s promises in my life. He said he’ll never leave me or forsake me. A great preacher once said God wouldn’t use a lion and a bear to prepare you for a mouse. To the amazing person reading this just know and trust that God has something greater planned for your life.

I pray that my journey will continue to inspire me to believe in myself and my truth, and I pray that it will inspire you to believe in your journey as well because you’re amazing. If no one has told you today that they love you just know God loves every bit of you :-).

Continue to believe in you…..

Until next time beautiful people…… Love, Peace and Hair Grease….. God is Love…. Be BLESSED…..

Looking In The Mirror

This morning as I was looking in the mirror it was in that moment I acknowledged that I’m awesome. As I stared in the mirror I said baby girl you’re the daughter of a King and don’t you ever forget it. This journey has taught me a lot about myself and it has been a great ride so far.

I’m learning how to communicate and how to live in my truth. I’m learning single or in a relationship I am awesome because God created me.

As I looked in the mirror I recited the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by India Arie called Beautiful Flower.

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you, who are beautiful
Yeah you, who are brilliant
Yeah you, who are powerful
Yeah you, who are resilient

This journey has given me great hope and it has taught me to trust God and to believe in myself. I think what has made this journey so beautiful is that it hasn’t been easy and it has been perfect, but instead it taught me how to deal with life with a better perspective. God never said it would be easy. He also never said no weapon would be formed against me he only said it wouldn’t prosper.

I am grateful for the good and the bad because it has made my life beautiful. Sounds crazy right? I urge whoever is reading this to give God a chance to show you how good and bad can be turned into beautiful.

When you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong. All things are possible with God on your side.

My prayer is that my journey will inspire me as well as who ever is reading this. I pray you will embrace your journey as well I promise it’s worth it.

Lesson Learned: Life isn’t easy but God makes it all worth it.

Continue to believe in you and when you feel like you can’t go on look to God because with him you can be strong.

Until next time beautiful people…. Believe in yourself and most importantly Believe in God because he’s more than amazing and he won’t let you down. Love, Peace, and Hair Grease…… God is Love….. Be BLESSED….